Bands That Could Feasibly Be Football Teams

With the World Cup upon us it seems only right that I should write some sort of tie-in feature for Three Chords is Jazz. So at an attempt to be topical here are five bands that have so many members that they could feasibly field a football team. I’m not saying they would be good. But they could.

 

Arcade fire

The Canadian band would definitely be able to field a team with their extended band for their Reflektor tour. Frontman Win Butler would be the heart of the defence because that guy is freakin’ tall. And with his temper he would be like an art-school John Terry. But without being a scum-bag of course.

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White suits aren’t the most practical football kit…

 

Wu-Tang Clan

Throw in a few of their many affiliates and the hip hop legends would be nothing to fuck with. Forget Spain’s Tiki Taka or Holland’s Total Football. Wu-tang’s Shaolin style will be more than a match for any opposition. RZA and GZA would keep the game ticking over in the centre of midfield and Raekwon the Chef for sure would be in goal due to his, lets just say, large frame. The late Ol’ Dirty Bastard would be the Maradona of the team, causing havoc on the wings and raising more than a few eyebrows with the doping inspectors.

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Protect ya neck.

 

Broken Social Scene

Another Canadian Band. I’m fairly certain when both Broken Social Scene and Arcade Fire are on tour the country is virtually empty. Their indie supergroup status would roughly translate in football terms as them being as good as a decent league one side. Leyton Orient maybe? MK Dons?

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Pass the oranges! 

 

Odd Future

The LA collective would definitely be one of the more wilder and juvenile teams around, comparable perhaps to the famous Wimbledon ‘Crazy Gang’ side of the 1980s. In defence would be the little and large Mellowhype duo of Hodgy beats and Left Brain, similar to Carlos Puyol and Gerard Pique. Except way more stoned. The captain Tyler the Creator would be up front, but being Tyler he’d spend far too much time tracking so that he could be part of the action. Also, Frank Ocean would cause as much controversy for being one of the first openly bisexual footballers as he did in the hip hop world.

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Team Photo 2k13

 

Parliament Funkadelic

A team that’s getting on a bit but still knows how to turn up, much like almost every Italian side. George Clinton would be a slightly more portly Andrea Pirlo, dictating play from the middle of the park. Probably wouldn’t be a very good team but their goal celebrations would be insane!!!

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Parliament would easily make two teams.

 

 

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Still the greatest music/football crossover of all time…

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Coldplay- Ghost Stories Review

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Everyone knows it’s the don thing to make fun of Coldplay. It’s easy to do, they’re a big enough band to take it and it can be rather fun. Especially when targeted at clownish frontman Chris Martin. The band’s new album, their sixth, arrives after much turmoil in the band’s camp. With Martin splitting from long-term celebrity partner Gwyneth Paltrow, something the couple infamously have called a ‘conscious uncoupling’, the band have not been out of the headlines. A more cynical person might speculate overt the convenient timing of the revelation, coming just a few weeks before the band release their new album. Luckily I am that cynical person and I can confidently state that Martin’s split with Paltrow was all a PR stunt to garner interest in the new album. Let the jokes at their expense continue!

 

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Words can’t hurt us…

Getting back to the point, Ghost Stories is largely composed of standard Coldplay fare. It harks back to older albums such as A Rush of Blood to the Head and X and Y and sits very comfortably sonically in between those two albums. The second song released from the album Magic is definitely the best song on the album and melodically is one of the bands superior singles. Its subtle dynamics and understated-ness is indicative of the album as a whole. Equally as down-tempo is album-opener Always in my Head, which introduces the general mood of melancholy that permeates many of the songs.

One song that avoids this general mood of Melancholy is the club-banger Sky Full of Stars. The song is a logical step for the populist band. Upon first hearing it I turned to a friend and exclaimed ‘This sounds like Avicii’ to which I was met with the unsurprising revelation that it was indeed produced by multi-millionaire DJ Avicii. And whilst he has his fanbase, (a considerable one at that I concede), his presence on the album is actually quite depressing, logical given the type of electronic music he makes, but still depressing. Coldplay are not the first established band to draw inspiration from and directly collaborate with new and popular act. However, whenever they have tried it hasn’t ever really come off, bringing to mind the collaboration with Rihanna on their last album. Even co-production from electronica-maestro Jon Hopkins on the track midnight can’t save it from sounding like a Bon Iver knock-off, though admittedly quite an interesting one.

The major dip in the album come in the form of the tracks Ink, a song which sound s like a early-2000s Backstreet Boys song and whose production makes it sound like it was made on a PC running Windows 98. On the opposite end of the spectrum is the track Oceans, a beautiful song which sounds like Jeff Buckley, Mazzy Star and most importantly Old Coldplay. The two songs are indicative of the major inconsistencies that blight the album. Ultimately because of these flaws the album is not one of the bands best, but it is saved by a handful of decent tracks. It is no way near as engrossing enough to hold your attention for long, which sadly means that the most compelling thing about the album is trying to contextualise the lyrics: ‘Is this line about Gwyneth? Is this line about Gwyneth?’

They’re all about Gwyneth mate…

Albums of the Year… So Far.

We’ve reached the halfway point of the year and for music fans now is the time to sit down and evaluate what the past six months has given us. So far 2014 has given a varied body of work to choose from, no bona-fide classics have been released as of yet but the year is filled with solid efforts from a number of bands. Lacklustre efforts from big bands such as Coldplay and Kasabian have been offset by solid efforts by a plethora of artists. Here are a few of my personal favourites:

Mac Demarco- Salad days

Named after a period of time characterised by youth idealism and innocence, Mac Demarco’s third album is antithetically his most mature and sophisticated. Recorded at the aptly named Jizz-Jazz studios, the album still contains Mac’s trademark playfulness, but with a more sophisticated approach to song-writing. Tracks like Passing Out the Pieces and Chamber of Reflection, both based around keyboard hooks add a new diversity to his repertoire and showcase why Mac is one of the most exciting songwriters around.

Real Estate- Atlas

An album so chill it’s almost abrasive. The third album from New Jersey’s real Estate is full of sunny pop tunes with jangly melodies and lyrics of miscommunication with significant others. Despite being released in March this is the perfect album of summer, either relaxing by a pool on some Mediterranean island or supping some mixed berry cider in a park. Highlights include the irrepressible pop of Talking Backwards and the skewed time signatures of Crime.

Damon Albarn- Everyday Robots

The first proper solo effort form the Blur frontman begs the question, if he is going to release solo album this good do we really need another Blur album? Moving away from the cartoonish pop of Gorillaz the album is a more introspective one focusing on existentialist problems of life in the modern world in both the tilte track and Lonely Press Play. But it s not all doom and gloom. Albarn showcases the obvious influence of African music, procured through his various travels to the continent, on the song Mr Tembo, written about an elephant he encountered across the sea in Chile. Sonically and lyrically intriguing, as only an effort from Mr Albarn would be.

Kelis- Food

Harking back to her 2003 album Tasty, the culinary-centric sixth solo album from Kelis is a surprise treat. Filled with well-written songs that draw from Soul, Funk and Gospel Food is a great modern RnB record that manages to steer clear of the current trend of incorporating aspects of electronic music. This is a surprise considering Kelis last album did just that, so very well. It just goes to show how talented and underrated the singer is. Kudos as well must be awarded to producer Dave Sitek who showcases his versatility by producing this at the same time he was producing for Liam Gallagher’s Beady Eye. An eclectic and nostalgic trip that does not disappoint.

Fucked Up- Glass Boys

Fucked Up’s intention on new album Glass Boys was to a write a concise rock record to stand in antithesis to their third and previous album David Comes to Life. And they have done exactly that. Whilst David was written intentionally as a rock opera at 77 minutes, Fucked Up’s fourth is almost half that length. Still one of the nest melodic Punk bands around, the songs are no less grand than on its predecessor. This is truly a drummer’s album that’ll have you flailing your arms at those air-snares and air-symbols an interestingly enough the record comes in a double LP with the second album featuring the each song with the drum track at half time. An albums full of tunes, standouts include Sunboys and Paper the House.

Honourable mentions:

The Horrors- Luminous: A solid but familiar 4th album from the Art-rockers

Warpaint- Warpaint: Great songs but as a whole can be quite jarring and unengaging.

Lana Del Ray- Ultraviolence: Would be good if she wasn’t so lyrically vacuous and annoying.

Here’s to the next six months!