With the World Cup upon us it seems only right that I should write some sort of tie-in feature for Three Chords is Jazz. So at an attempt to be topical here are five bands that have so many members that they could feasibly field a football team. I’m not saying they would be good. But they could.
Arcade fire
The Canadian band would definitely be able to field a team with their extended band for their Reflektor tour. Frontman Win Butler would be the heart of the defence because that guy is freakin’ tall. And with his temper he would be like an art-school John Terry. But without being a scum-bag of course.
White suits aren’t the most practical football kit…
Wu-Tang Clan
Throw in a few of their many affiliates and the hip hop legends would be nothing to fuck with. Forget Spain’s Tiki Taka or Holland’s Total Football. Wu-tang’s Shaolin style will be more than a match for any opposition. RZA and GZA would keep the game ticking over in the centre of midfield and Raekwon the Chef for sure would be in goal due to his, lets just say, large frame. The late Ol’ Dirty Bastard would be the Maradona of the team, causing havoc on the wings and raising more than a few eyebrows with the doping inspectors.
Protect ya neck.
Broken Social Scene
Another Canadian Band. I’m fairly certain when both Broken Social Scene and Arcade Fire are on tour the country is virtually empty. Their indie supergroup status would roughly translate in football terms as them being as good as a decent league one side. Leyton Orient maybe? MK Dons?
Pass the oranges!
Odd Future
The LA collective would definitely be one of the more wilder and juvenile teams around, comparable perhaps to the famous Wimbledon ‘Crazy Gang’ side of the 1980s. In defence would be the little and large Mellowhype duo of Hodgy beats and Left Brain, similar to Carlos Puyol and Gerard Pique. Except way more stoned. The captain Tyler the Creator would be up front, but being Tyler he’d spend far too much time tracking so that he could be part of the action. Also, Frank Ocean would cause as much controversy for being one of the first openly bisexual footballers as he did in the hip hop world.
Team Photo 2k13
Parliament Funkadelic
A team that’s getting on a bit but still knows how to turn up, much like almost every Italian side. George Clinton would be a slightly more portly Andrea Pirlo, dictating play from the middle of the park. Probably wouldn’t be a very good team but their goal celebrations would be insane!!!
Parliament would easily make two teams.
Still the greatest music/football crossover of all time…
Three Chords Is Jazz 